8 May 2018

"We met in a launderette and kissed beneath the air jet

No threat, no sweat

Another one in the back of the net."

To live a life without regrets is to not live a life at all to paraphrase someone wiser than I whose name I forget. But to say I've been thinking back lately and regretting the things I never did is somewhat of an understatement.  Let's face it though it would be nearly impossible to live to the age we tend to nowadays and never have one regret, otherwise you'd look like Keith Richards when you are in your thirties from all the excess.

If I'm honest then I would say I only regret not doing one thing and that was being serious when a woman whom I loved a great deal, but was too chicken shit scared to tell her, showed an interest in me.  It wasn't as simple as that but you get the picture.  Anyway whenever a woman smiles at me my first thought is always "Do I have something in my teeth?"  If I were a cartoon character I would be Droopy except when the two angel and devil characters appear on my shoulder it would be two smaller versions of me telling me that I probably have my flies open or I frighten children and animals and I smell of wee.

I realise that this is only partially true but usually she's gone by then.  Anyway this woman in particular was awesome, clever and very attractive.  But I worked with her and I always thought if I told her I may lose her as a friend and that would have been even worse.  Plus the time she said she liked me and I laughed it off nervously was at the christmas party and I thought she was drunk, plus I think the manager at the time was trying to warn me off by dropping subtle hints like threatening to fire people if they tried to have relationships at work, you know vague crap like that.  I mean I know it was only Maplin but you know I liked working there with 80% of the team, hated the company but the staff were mostly nice.  Also I hadn't finished paying off the credit cards yet.

Plus the whole thing of looking after my mates mum who had dementia was not condusive to  romantic situations.  Still life what can you do?  It'll happen whether you want it to or not.

Recently on a semi related note I met an old friend and colleague from many many moons ago whose sister I was taken with, at the time it was a very poorly kept secret.  But we never got together either, again mainly due to my shyness and poor level of self worth.  He told me how she was getting on before stating that her now boyfriend is a much older man and I should have asked her out all those moons ago.  My mind was screaming at him a bit like the late Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket "Why didn't you tell me this twenty years ago numb nuts?"

Tsk, if only I wasn't crippled with low self esteem I could have spent a lifetime waist deep in women.  Hmm in writing this I have discovered that I have a life full of regret and I'm only halfway done. (Hopefully)