4 Mar 2015

"Well that's not the way
No sense or reason in your fussing and fighting
And your violent obsession
Who's ever really left feeling fine
After the great depression?
No sense of purpose in the competition
Keeping up with the Joneses
You buy a house,
You buy a car
You buy a marriage and a bed of roses

It's sad when people you don't know personally but respect and fill a large space of your life for years pass on, John Peel, Ian Dury and lately Leonard Nimoy for example.  I've never tired of his Mr.Spock character even though I've seen the films and series many times over for what seems like 100 years of my life. With each one we gain a little something that we carry on into our lives and hopefully pass on to others.
With Ian Dury it was the realisation that poetry wasn't all poncey about flowers and hills or the 'funny' double entendre strewn monologues that Benny Hill used to close the show with.  It could be all about the everyday ordinary things. A man walking the dog in the park and his hidden perversions, a shoplifting incident as a child, his relationship with his father etc. 
As for John Peel I took the love of new music and a very diverse collection if my ,now full, iPod is to be believed.  
From Leonard Nimoy I took something else entirely.  I've seen in recent years every kind of scientist doing interviews or YouTube videos on how much they'd taken from his character's love of science and his ability to analyse, although I do realise that 'love' is a human emotion.  Maybe if I had had better science teachers or a better home life then maybe I would have been up there doing experiments and selfies in the International space station in the name of science.
But because I had the kind of teacher that made something up to get me out of his class even though every single other kid in said class queued up to tell the Headmaster I hadn't done it. And because I had the kind of parents that when I expressed an interest in working for NASA or E.S.A they laughed and told me I was too stupid and would kill everybody, my path diverged.  Incidentally this was their argument when I asked if I could get a job with the local mechanic as a trainee grease monkey, and yet they didn't bat an eyelid when I joined the Army.
So with this in mind as a basis for my early life you can see why I would take the cold emotional, logical state of mind from Mr. Spock.  The idea formed in my 13 year old brain that if I hid my emotions and thought about things logically I would not be able to be hurt.  Although I think that my emotionless fa├žade and logic have led to not really living.  I can think of several  times in my life where I've talked myself out of asking someone out on a date because I could see that there was someone else better for them.  Or not get off with them at the Christmas party because it would complicate things and possibly I would lose them as a friend as well, which would be even worse.  
On the plus side I have always had the ability to see both sides of an argument and am always a pretty good problem solver.  Only recently have I rekindled my interest in science via astronomy but by now I can't muster up the enthusiasm for the minutiae of it all, preferring just to be an observer/photographer.  This I put down to middle age apathy rather than lack of ability.
Sometimes I wish that I could dispose of this semi Vulcan wall I put around myself but then I find I've been betrayed or hurt in some way and up it goes again.
Maybe I just need a bit of the old 'Pon Farr'? ;)

R.I.P Mr Leonard Nimoy
"You always were and ever shall be, our friend."

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