1 Jun 2009

"Everything goes when you're dead
Everything empties from what was in your head

No point in waiting today

Stupid revenge is what's making you stay

Its going to happen - happen - till your change your mind"

I was so 'impressed' with the game I recently bought called 'Eat Lead' I found myself so full of bile at the waste of money that I wrote a review on Amazon, I thought I'd publish it here as a precautionary tale against buying the big pile of steaming Batha Poodoo.
"Quite frankly there have been many times in my life that I have regretted my actions... but none more so than when I bought this game. To be honest I just wanted to boost my PS3 trophies a little and that is the whole reason anyone should buy this game, in fact for a start don't buy, rent it. Let me just say that in all my years of gaming I have never had any game that I've played on my trusty old PS1, 2 or 3 crash the system, until now that is.
The game play itself leaves a hell of a lot to be desired, for a start the main character himself points out one error in judgement by the programmers, the fact that there is no 'jump' button. Also missing in action is a 'run' button ...although I did find the 'Off' button, thankfully. Movement of the person you are playing is akin to when you see these really old men jogging, you know when they would move quicker if they walked? The bad guys on the other hand run like Sonic the Hedgehog on speed. They aren't encumbered by the need to take cover much either and quite often will be suddenly at your side whilst pumping you full of lead projectiles at high velocity. Meanwhile whilst you try to aim as accurately as possible to actually be in any danger of registering a hit on the baddies, you die. There is absolutely no aim assist whatsoever. I'm no basic gamer I've been playing fps for years and can count all of the 'Medal of Honour', 'call of duty', 'Doom', several 'star wars' and 'Brothers in Arms' games amongst others in my experience. So please don't think this review is in anyway because I can't play the game due to a lack of ability... I can't play this game for sheer exasperation at the lack of first time playability. Most of the action is either shoot lots of guys expending lots of ammo or go through large areas of the level with no one there. I wish I was as tough as some of these baddies though I mean if real people could take two or more shots from a .357 magnum to the head and survive then we'd be in as much trouble as the developers of this game should be.
All in all it is a terrible shame that such an original idea, sadly lacking in modern gaming, was so poorly executed, let's just hope the people that produced this abomination are executed much more thoroughly."

Maybe I should start to write for the gaming magazines? I mean there was a few more things I had to say like the cut scenes weren't lip synced and there were large tracts of the levels where there was no bad guy sprite and then suddenly there were twenty or so all with perfect aim but if I'd have written everything Amazon would need a bigger server. I've corrected the spelling and added a couple of sentences so basically Upsetterfans you all got My Review:The Director's Cut"

Anyway here's the music (Divine Madness (Remastered Version) and The Clash Combat Rock and reposted video of Bronco Bullfrog.


Mike said...

http://rapidshare.com/files/245694271/TC_-_CR.rar The Clash - Combat Rock
http://rapidshare.com/files/245317264/M_-_DM_R_.rar Madness - Divine Madness (Remastered)

http://rapidshare.com/files/240704636/BB2.part01.rar Bronco Bullfrog (Repost)

Anonymous said...

Well at least your review was left alone, my book review was removed. No I did not say fuck cunt or bollox in it.

Mike said...

What about cunty bollocky fuck? Did you say that? :)

Anonymous said...

I suppose I could try if you think it'd help.