14 Jan 2008

"We're so incredibly, utterly devious
Making the most of everything.
Even bottles and tins.
Pick up the pieces and make them into something new,
Is what we do!"

Hmmm, it seems that it's come around to another payday and I'm spending loads on ebay by buying lots of vinyl (how unusual I know). I'm also the proud owner of a TEAC cassette deck which I've plumbed into the USB turntable to allow me to finally start getting rid of all my cassettes (woo hoo). That was another ebay purchase. Sometimes I feel that I'm keeping them in business you know? Also I may have formulated the theory that all the crap tv is my fault along with several others, going on my equation that 'if you are doing or thinking something then someone, somewhere is doing or thinking exactly the same thing'. I've been filling out an online survey for British tv and radio in the hope of winning money. You may scoff but I already got £20 in Amazon vouchers, so there. The reason though that I believe that I and possibly many others have screwed up the tv schedules with celebrity dancing and list shows is that I just make shit up when filling out the forms. I don't watch the tv a great deal, in fact now that Top Gear is off the air I hardly watch any broadcast stuff at all apart from the occasional repeat of QI on Dave tv. Unless of course you read my survey answers. In which case you'd see that I'd be sat in front of the tv even when at work, sometimes watching two channels at once. Even with channels I can't receive I enjoy the programmes immensely... apparently. Well, what with watching politicians all these years I thought I'd try to earn some money by being dishonest too.
I learned this week that they are now broadcasting a show based on my recent favourite book, jPod by Sir Douglas of Coupland. I downloaded the first two episodes but I don't know if I'll enjoy it or just be disappointed in it. The actors are just the usual vanilla types you get in all these things and are in no way how I imagined them in the book. Still Sir Douglas is involved with the show so who am I to argue? The pod itself seems to have been designed by the set designer from all those CSI type shows. IE it looks nothing like a place really should but looks
really good on TV. All in all the fact that I only watch three or four programmes on tv at the moment makes me wonder if I really need to save up for the 46" plasma I've recently fallen in love with or not? But then I think of My Name Is Earl and what would the world be if I couldn't enjoy a 46" wide image Jaime Pressly? Today's music (which is what you came for after all as you sit there like greedy relatives a will reading waiting for your name to be read out only to find it's all gone to the cat's home as your dead uncle didn't like you after all) .... and breath in.... is Man...Or Astro-man? Your Weight On The Moon, Various Artists - Ragga House, Stewie Griffin - Stewie's Sexy Party video and last but by no means least Madness - One Step Beyond...


6 Jan 2008

"Oh yes conscience and all of that stuff
We'll sort that out later you've time enough
Right now you must realise that not much is fair
When you hunt with the hounds now you run with the hare"
Happy Nude Rear everybody

With regards to my still trying (and sometimes failing miserably... literally) to see the positive side in everything. I've now decided that bing single is okay and although I have no bosoms to fondle at night except my own, I can however break wind with impunity (and do). Without a care in the world an 'under leg noise' not unlike a 1974 Harley Davidson starting up in my undergarments would issue forth but, if I were in a 'relationship' I would no doubt be asked the question "Did you have to do that?" Well I think it would be quite patently obvious that I did otherwise I would be inflating over the years until I was foating along the living room ceiling near the light like some discarded balloon at a children's party.
Furthermore my positiveness (new found) has lead me to have little or no altercations with Numpties getting in my way in the high street this Christmas. I have even burned and played a Christ-a-mas song cd (with all the negative or rude ones taken out). Just ask my mate Jimmy who tried to get me to to do the same when I worked on nights with him at Wankinson's. At times it was like trying to get an extremely determined cat into a pet carrier... it weren't gonna happen. I was going to play it at work, which is why I took out the rude punk ones. It's hard to carry USB turntables etc to the tills with piles of shocked urine ingrained old ladies' carcasses everywhere. I even wore ... a christmas hat and have been seen and heard to wish people a "Nice Christmas". Although it has to be said that I couldn't quite bring myself to be "upbeat" enough to say the word "Merry" aaaaand okay my hat did say "Bah! Humbug" on it but, you know it's a start in the right direction. Let's face it last year I wrote "Bah! Humbug" on my world famous window and would have glady ripped the throat out with my bare hands of any carol singers let alone Christmas well wishers.
My two new year's resolutions are
1, Finish a writing project.
2, Don't make any New Year's resolutions
3, learn to count when making lists
Recently I served a customer in my shop who came from Coltishall in Norfolk. A place I know all to well. I spent many a long cold grey summer's day there back in '85 and have many people I know associated with the place. I asked him if he were there to drag me back as there would be kicking and /or screaming and not all of it coming from me. He assured me that he wasn't and bought a remote control helicopter and left. I wishI could leave too but I'm stuck there at least for the foreseeable.
How did you spend your New Year's eve? Me? Well on the stroke of midnight I was having a dump. There were thundering noises and loud reports and then the fireworks started so it drowned me out. I began to feel a little alone & went to bed. Perhaps it's not so okay being single after all.

Anyway enough mad witterings here's the download for you a dvd rip of Madness' Take it or leave it (avi) and an old album that I have been looking for for ages. Ska Beats Vol. 1 I had this and played it to death when I was in the Army. In fact it's this one and De La Soul's 3 feet high and rising that I used to play on my walkman whilst shooting my rifle from a slit trench. So if anyone has these with rifle and artillery fire noises over the top then I would love to relive old memories. :) Also if anyone wants me to email them when I update from now on drop me an email marked 'add me' and I'll put you in the mailing list.

Madness 1
Madness 2
Madness 3
Madness 4
Madness 5
Madness 6
Madness 7
Madness 8
Ska beats 1