Don't talk to me about love (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter)."
"And Lo! It Is Written In The Book Of Cyrill"
I had a bit of an epiphany. For months I had been in the doldrums as if I had been forced to return to live in Norfolk permanently. (see previous 'miserable bastard' posts). As I sat watching the Life of Brian and even though I knew every single line from the movie from nearly thirty years of watching it. A miracle happened the clouds parted from my being and I pissed myself (not literally) laughing. Blessed be to the followers of Brian of Nazareth for unto he is born again a comedian. Yes I am a born again piss taker so let's see if I can't get evengelical and start bashing tambourines and singing praise unto the Pythons. Or at the very least start writing funny and less twitter and bisted posts.
Although people do seem to like my vitriol... Oh well let's see what happens. Anywho whilst looking down on the unemployed in the bath the other day I was beginning to wonder if the whole world is just totally insane? I don't like to get political because it's a slippery slope to being a zealot. I used to be a staunch socialist and a labour man through and through but Mr Blair put paid to that. I then considered the Liberals but they soon showed thier true colours and were just as biased and self serving as the rest of them. There are only the BNP, Conservatives and the UK Independence party and there's not much to choose between them as they are all Nazi Lite in my opinion. I would no more condone cutting off my bollocks with a rusty pair of scissors than vote for any of them. So what am I left with? The Greens I'm all for recycling and environmental issues but really everyone else would vote for the usual twats so therefore my vote would be wasted. I do go along with Billy Connolly who said "The very thing that makes people want to be politicians should be the very thing that excludes them from being politicians". I mean if one of the middle ground parties got in would they be any different to the others? Would they build hospitals and schools and maybe give grants and scholarships to kids from impoverished backgrounds for university places or would they declare unjust wars and bomb women and children in a foriegn land? There's no such thing as a smart bomb when it's in the hands of a dumb person. Why moan about crime at home if you are going to spend several thousand pounds on a bomb to kill someone I've never met but would probably like rather than stop shutting carehomes and youth centres then moan when the listless bored kids have nothing to do but roam the streets or drink or engage in petty vandalism?
I think we need some heroes, my landlord (the bearded toothless hag) is in his fifites and in his generation the heroes were people who climbed mountains, discovered this and that, who thought up solutions to problems. People who wrote amazing literature or wrote fantastic music of all genres. Even in my generation, for those of us concieved because there were only three tv channels and cheap booze, there were people to admire and aspire to be. Some excellent footballers or astronauts or brilliant actors, writers, musicians. Unfortunately my Nephew and Niece are going to grow up in a world where all you have to do to be famous is live in a house with some other losers for ten weeks or be an hieress and film yourself having sex and 'accidentally' release it on the interweb. We are living in a world where it pays to be stupid or at the very least appear to be stupid. Want proof? Look to Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC. Recent presidential history reads like a porn film storyboard (Dick, Cunt, pussy, Wrinkled scrotum, Bush, Dick, Bush) although we are no better but we feature more cunts and arseholes. Now we have a retard with his finger on the button, as if it wasn't bad enough with senile old duffer Reagan. At least if he decided to bomb the reds the CIA guys could always just block his way to the button with Nancy's giant sized head. And before I get abusive comments I have nothing against anyone from any nation or racial or religious background just the people runnig those countries no matter who they are they are all dicks. I think the whole world should be one big hippy commune only with less hairy legged women and more deodorant. (I bet even with all that love in the air I still wouldn't get a shag).
sigh! Oh well that's that lot out of my system. I don't usually get political but what can I say? Let's have a revolution storm the bastille etc. Shoot everyone who I don't like (starting with some of my ex colleagues) and working our way to 10 Downing Street via Oasis' houses and onto the White House, Korea, Russia, China ... fuck it let's get them all. Although seeing how Sweden gave us Ikea, Volvo Abba and Ulrika Jonson we'll exempt them ... and Winona Ryder's parent's would be praised beyond belief for giving unto the world the glory that is she.
Hmmmm re reading that post it seems I was less like a born again follower of Brian and more Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction.
Here as an apology for my tourettes/primal scream therapy is the vhs to dvd to avi conversion of the Madstock concert from August 92 I was there (underfoot and upside down for the most part). Enjoy even though it does weigh in at 1.03Gb but it's worth it.