30 Apr 2006

"Broken glass everywhere People pissin' on the stairs, you know they just don't care I can't take the smell, can't take the noise Got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice Rats in the front room, roaches in the back Junkies in the alley with a baseball bat."

Those lines just remind me of the borough where I work sooooo much (at this point cut to several shots of my colleagues all nodding in agreement). Don't make me go back please lottery gods, I'm just checking numbers ... Dear Lottery gods fuck you. I'm hoping that there's a point to my life and I'll zap out of my Job just like Quantum Leap as soon as the point is realised.
You'll find my email address in my new and improved profile ... well I've changed the books I like a bit, just email if you want any reposts of the music I've put up or you have requests. May take a night or two as I don't always check the inbox.
Todays posts are the cds I went and treated myself to you (open letter to bank manager ... fuck you!) We have the Beat - Platinum Collection. Stax Gold Singles 1968 -74 which I've just bought I've been downloading shit loads of different music this past week or two. Hip hop, garage, dance, ambient, Soul, 80's, punk, New wave, psycobilly, rockabilly, even country music (accidentally I might add), that was in a compilation songs about cars. This coupled with the excellent weather we had recently you could almost believe you were cruising the boulevards of California, then you wake up and realise you are in fact on a bus full of tourists heading towards a usually rainy British seaside town. I was in fact heading out to buy some vinyl and a pre amp for my turntable soI could rip some great 12"s by the Beat only to find that my stylus has decided to break and send the tone arm skating across the black platter. Not even the usual trick of putting a coin on the tone arm could stop it from impersonating Torville and Dean, although I don't think my record player is a porker like Jane Torville. Life is good at the moment apart from the broken needle, I've finally worked out how to connect up my DVD recoder and get it to record, unless you accidentally change the channel that is, in that case you end up with half an episode of UFO and half Time team. Also despite the fact my printer decided to die suddenly and I've spent all my money and have to go back to selling cobblers to morons I refuse to get depressed. How unlike my early (more popular)posts. Not even those toss pot neighbours of mine whose whole family either cannot or will not shut a car door quietly at any time of the day will bring me down.

http://rapidshare.de/files/19276004/BeaPlat.rar.html The Beat

http://rapidshare.de/files/19280125/Stx6874.part1.rar.html Stax

Enjoy the music

27 Apr 2006

"He wanted to be something but she knows he never will, she's got him where she wants him and forgot to take her pill.And he thinks that she'll be happy when she's hanging out the nappies, if that's a happy marriage I'd prefer to be

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron".-- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

Who says predictions don't come true? If you type the word 'moron' into google images can you guess which world figure comes out more than most? That's right Monkey world's poster boy himself Dubya. Also there's an Hotel Moron in Cuba, must go there then. Maybe it's run by the girls that hang out of white stretch limo's with feather boa and plastic tiara screaming thier heads off whilst absolutely fucked on Bicardi breezers. That's right you scream out at people go
on enjoy yourself, you're nineteen and about to waste your youth on some chav, usually called Darren, who'll leave you before the second child is born because his dick has more blood circulating around than his brain does. He's had his few momnts of pleasure and paid lip service to the marriage vows before absconding after a few more dalliances with her best friend and her sister, it's usually to be seen on Trisha over and over again. I see several of these type of people hanging out of Limo windows as I stand there waiting for a bus after a hard days' serving fools. They always seem incomprehensible to me, perhaps they are shouting "What the fuck have I done to myself? My life is ruined. It's drudgery and Eastenders for me for the next 20 years help" etc. It's always those angry looking women with drawn back hair, push chairs, sports wear clothes and hoopy earrings that come into my shop to shout at thier children (Jordan or Aisha), thankfully I've missed that these past few days due a well earned rest, 9 days in total, only spoilt by the fact that I have to go back on Bank Holiday Monday. Tossers. And my colleague said that I wouldn't get up enough anger to write whilst I wasn't at work. Hmm I'm like Obelix in that regard, I fell into the angry vat as a child.

Tonight's posts are in no particular order Kenny Everett's Captain Kremmen. Several of his radio adventures for your pleasure, very funny the man was a genius. Also we have 15 Commandments of Ska from the early nineties which took me right back to the okden days when I still drank and had a social life etc.

http://d.turboupload.com/d/552248/15Comm.rar.html ska

http://rapidshare.de/files/19063859/KapKrem.part1.rar.html Kremmen


Enjoy and have a laugh before all those infected birds in Norfolk kill us all. The feathered kind as the other kind from Norfolk only infect you.

26 Apr 2006

"Potion in the ocean His air hose broke
Lots of trouble Lots of bubble
He was in a jam Said the giant clam!!"

Apparently Porky Pig stunt double and part time MP John Prescott has had a two year affair with his secretary ... That poor woman how she must have suffered. It must have been just like a wrestling bout between Giant Haystacks and the skinny guy out of the Mr Muscle ads. Anything for a raise I suppose, I just hope she's remebered in the next Honours list when it comes around to handing out the Queen's award for bravery or maybe remanded for psychiactric evaluation? It does however make a change for someone to be fucking the government as opposed to the other way around for these last few hundred years. Ick, it must have been like being ravaged by a pork pie. His wife is said to be distraught or possibly laughing so hard she's bust a gut? I'm no oil painting (Picasso or Dali perhaps but certainly no Renoir), but you have to wonder what the attraction was ? Was she partial to the taste of pork pies, or was it the egg & chips on his manly breath? There's hope for me yet if this is the case.

Tonight's post is another Ska highlight from 1993 a 2 for 1 cd from The Hotknives and The Riffs. Two bands that I had on vinyl, in fact I had most of the 3rd wave of Ska on vinyl, still I had to eat and pay rent so I had to visit the local rip off record dealer. Hotknives' Live and Skankin' and The Riffs' Who wants it? Enjoy


24 Apr 2006

"I've seen it advertised on TV shows, Flashed up on the evening news, My local M.P. said I should grin and bear it,But I'd rather go and blow her fuse."

Aaaaahhhh Tom Cruise and wotserface have had a baby oh good I am so glad, that makes the whole world right again doesn't it? If he wasn't jumping around on the sofa of Oprah Winfrey because that's how much love he was in....!?! Is
that what being in love does to you? Makes you act like a complete tosser on international tv? Besides which why is he famous? he has about as much depth as a plank of wood and only half as much acting ability and yet he has an income
equivalent to some small country's national debts. Meanwhile you or I sweat our naughty bits off in some job where we have to do all our own stunts and do our own hair etc for less than he would spend on kitty litter in a year. I'm continually peeved by all these idiots on my tv and cinema screen, in my magazines and on the radio moaning about how hard it is to act for a living. Pardon? You get up and are driven to the set where you are given a huge trailer you get your hair done and the make up artists, stunt person, lighting guy, camera man, sound man, personal trainer, personal dietician, personal assistant, wardrobe people, director, producer and bloody tea boy all strive their hardest to make you look your best for the public to part with their hard earned. All you have to do is pretend to be someone else, which let's face it isn't that hard when you've been told what to say by the script writer, how to feel by the director and how to say it by the dialogue coach. Also you get several chances at each scene , how many of us would die to do one scene or other of our lives over again? The only hard thing as a Hollywood actor you'd have to do is count your money and they even have people for that. So as you swim around in your money vaults ala Scrooge McDuck just think how lucky you are and stop whining you talentless bastards. And if you think I'm hard on Hollywood Shlebs then don't even get me started on the Royal family . Fuck it let's have a revolution shoot the lot.

A bit of a departure for tonight's post as it's The first 17 episodes of the Simpsons Season 17 (ie The Current one) including the episode with Ricky Gervais in. http://rapidshare.de/files/18928472/Simps.txt.html

http://d.turboupload.com/d/546504/Rude.rar.html Rude Awakening vol 1

19 Apr 2006

"Hand in hand is the only way to land and always the right way round."

I'm thinking of putting my pc in the bathroom (minus webcam). I have the best ideas whilst washing my bits 'n' pieces unfortunately I've forgotten them by the time I've got out. Plus I'm too tired to write anything funny, besides why start now? My shelf now has three trophies on it at woork and I'm certain it's going to fall. I must be imagining the creaking sounds as I walk past it. It'll be like an expensive Buckaroo game. We just keep winning trophies, the mercenary in me wants to win the next bit (the final) due to the fact we get more money for us to spend on us. It'll all go in my DVD Recorder fund. (This one to be precise http://www.richersounds.com/showproduct.php?cda=showproduct&pid=PANA-DMRES20-R2 , well I deserve it). I'll be glad when I've finished this 'Rip it up and start again' history of post punk by Simon Reynolds as it's huge and weighs me down that and I'm filling my hardrive with all manner of albums from the period. My mate's happy as he gets them and blasts them out to his highly trained team of flying monkeys on the night team (You know who you are). I bet they love it. Although he still insists on playing crap too, I mean try being tired and fed up due to working nights when you're not used to it and certain people play and evening of Rod Stewart ... and Back in Denim by Denim the worst album I've ever heard, even worse than the Dangermen sessions by Madness. I expect I'll get a shitty email now extolling the virtues of Denim.

Here's tonight's post from a looooong time ago. Vegas by Vegas (1992) a collabaration between Terry Hall and Dave Stewart which begat a favourite track of mine Possessed. It's another fast turnaround as I only got it through the post a couple of hours ago et voila, coz that's the kind of guy I am.

http://d.turboupload.com/d/528122/Ve.rar.html vegas (on another uploader due to some person moaning at me re: rapidshare.

18 Apr 2006

"I left my washing in the launderette, You can put some money on it, you can place a little bet, That when I see my washing the black will be grey and the white will be grey but the blues are still blue."

There are some days when you think you've slipped into a parallel universe and you've lost your marbles. Today I had that with a customer who was quite obviously completely 'radio rental'. Still I'm not sure what the conversation was that we had, I know my part was sane although he was so nuts it made me think "Have I gone mental?" There I was with a splitting headache and having this customer trying to explain that he wanted a sensor or intruder alarm with the view to being able to get up and shine a torch on the intruder. I tried to explain that we also have sensor lights that'll save him getting up at all. Oh no he couldn't have one of those his reasoning was that "Imagine you were flying over head all you'd see was all these flashing lights". OoooooKay then. Between this and me trying to explain what Passive infa red radiation involved (with hindsight I shouldn't have mentioned the word 'radiation' which seemed to scare him off the proper item for the bizarre task he wanted it for), he seemed to be having a conversation where he'd ask the questions and give the answers , not the right ones, just the ones he thought were right. He seemed to impressed that the 'wrong' sensor had a red and a green light on it (On and Off), and promised to come back Thursday. Is it too late to change my day off this week? After he had gone I turned to the other customer trying to not wet himself laughing to seek assurance that it was me that had all me wheels on the ground. Apparently I do, although I'm not sure. Although I am sure that I'm saner than the 'Smurf' woman who comes into my shop. So called because she had a blue jumper and a white bobble hat perched on top of her head which was kinked forward and she looked like a Smurf to me. She wanders around our little emporium muttering to one of her several people who inhabit her head. At least we're all saner than certain management members (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).
Tonight's post is 'Stiff, Stiffer, Stiffest' a Stiff Records Compilation Which was a birthday treat to myself as soon as I got it I decided to share with you lot, because that's the kind of guy I am. There's some good stuff on there too, although no 'Madness', 'King Kurt' or 'The Damned' which is surprising. Lene Lovich's Lucky Number got me and a kid called Ian Swarbrick in trouble back in '79 for singing it in the queue for lunch. We got dragged out of the queue and told off and given lines for singing silly songs in the lunch queue!?! Puritanical bastards sometimes it was like being taught by Blackadder's Aunt. Also we got sent to the back of the line and by the time we got to the front of the line again they'd run out of potato croquettes. It's no wonder I have a problem with authority figures. At least we didn't get caught out the time we we're singing the Muppets "Mnah Mnah" song in class. One of us would sing "Mnah Mnah" and the other the "Do do de doo doo" bit and we'd stop when Ms Rodgers-Smith turned around she should have spotted the guilty culprits from the halo's.

Incidentally I was searching for a Smurf picture for tonight's blog and found out that some sad sad saad fuck has gone to all the trouble of doing a Smurf porn comic strip featuring Smurfette. http://free-anime-videos.com/g878/sexmaxx.htm

Any hoo enough BS it's time for the music.

http://rapidshare.de/files/18356452/VaSSS.rar.html If it ain't Stiff it ain't worth a fuck

14 Apr 2006

"Take me I'm yours because dreams are made of this, forever there'll be a heaven in your kiss."

Sorry, for the lack of posting lately but I've been cream crackered from all this work shit that I unfortunately have to do to pay those damned bills. Also we have the Easter rush where everyone brings their kids into our shop to shout at them. I'm declaring Monday as 'The Upsetter 1969 Online' day as it's my birthday "look as good when you reach 900 years old you will not." I'm already becoming the grumpy old man that I aspire to be. I've been taking an evening class in cantankerous old git speak, ahem (clears throat), "Meh!! bloody kids.", "It wasn't like that in my day.", "that's not real punk, you want the Clash mate." etc etc.Recently I started turning music down and wearing my waistbands an an increased height too. My current thing is tutting at the state that Paris Hilton went out in the other night, ie didn't bother with a dress just went out in her underwear. weeeeeelll you know how it is you're in a rush to go out there's nothing except what's in the ironing basket and it's the valet's night off so you go out in your grundies. I do however speaking of undies, refuse to wear those giant white, (at first), Y front pants that old people used to send in to be washed/bleached/burnt as required in my last job. Some of these 'off white' undercrackers were so big that I was tempted to take up hang gliding with them. Although if the weather had been warm there would have been a smell akin to a telephone kiosk on a hot summer's evening. I don't really want to be in a state where I have to wear incontinent rubber pants or anything. I suppose it would be a bit of a sight as your nether regions grow whilst talking to someone you know so that you resemble a snake that has swallowed a beachball. Even worse if you forgot and sat down on the bus too quickly. Piss fountain anyone? Mmmmmm still warm. At least when you get old no one seems to mind when you talk them through your operation in great detail in full volume in a crowded shop, believe me I hear it all. Not only that there seems to be an unwritten law in old person law that states if you didn't hear yourself break wind then noone else did, one bloke last week it seemed to me that he was tuning a tuba. He nearly knocked a small child over.
Speaking of our shop despite us all hating it and wanting to escape we yet again came top shop in the area, next week it'll be the finals against the other few shops what tried to win in the south. I just hope my recently erected shelf stays up under the weight of the extra trophies. I kind of got annoyed with getting asked to do it so I put it up without the dry wall fixings and used normal wall plugs. Does glass bounce?

Go Here and try not to get addicted as I did 14,400 points and five tiles away from completing level three.


Also go here and declare it The Upsetter 1969 day on phil jupitus' breakfast show as it is my birthday on monday 17th


Anyway here's the music for this Holy weekend (because it's my birthday obviously not for any made up reasons like Christianity etc.) First is a compilation that was cheap and sort of leapt into my hand last time I was in my local half decent cd emporium. All 60's Mod stuff some pretty obscure bits on there too. Then We have 'Mad For It'a Nineties Baggy/Madchester/Britpop/Dance compilation featuring 38 great tracks like Sleeper, Babybird, Leftfield, Moloko, St Etienne, Primal Scream, Levellers, Ben Folds Five, Nightmares On Wax, Prodigy, Underworld and loads of others. Then We have The Specials - Blue Plate Specials live as it was requested ages ago and some idiot has only just remembered. Finally we have one of those albums that rest at the bottom of the pile and never get played because you've fogotten you've got it. Dreadzone's Second light featuring Little Britain which is an all time favourite track of mine.

Well there you go enjoy all that music after all it's my birthday (I don't know if I mentioned?) and I get to give out all the goodies ... something wrong somewhere.

http://rapidshare.de/files/18094891/dsl.rar.html Dreadzone
http://rapidshare.de/files/18099526/Mod.rar.html Mod
http://rapidshare.de/files/18106737/MFI.part1.rar.html Mad For It
http://rapidshare.de/files/18102795/sbps.rar.html Specials

6 Apr 2006

"England my country the home of the free, such miserable weatherbut England's as happy as England can be, why cry?"

Well it's official, we're all going to die. Bird flu hits the shores of Britain. A dead swan has been found in Scotland. So accordingly ITV News decided to broadcast live from the area. It's all doom and gloom and old people panicking in the streets let me tell you. Apparently the local police have made an exclusion zone for birds around the town quite how they are going to enforce this is anybodies guess. Perhaps there will be a gull minding it's own business flapping nonchalantly over the vincinty when along side a Copper flies on a hang glider with a blue light on top. (adopts Monty Python copper voice "Hexcuse me Sah wuld Hyew maind pullin over?" To which the gull would no doubt ignore as we all know that all Seagulls are council estate chavs in the bird world. There would then be a high speed chase across the skies of eastern scotland. I mean it's hardly worth panicking over is it? I for one would welcome a pandemic especially towards some of my customers (it would save on bullets). I mean some days I really feel like that woman in California who taught the chimp to talk, although she has returned better results from her experiments. We are talking about people who when they go to Dorset's Monkey World they have to be stamped on the hand like when the simpsons visit Homer in the asylum, 'Not Chimp'. Maybe I'm just being judgemental but come on when was the law to let Brother and Sister get married passed? Besides which if many thousands of people died it would prove Darwin right, empty the buses and clean out the gene pool. The only thing that would suffer from the death of the dumb would be Pop Idol's rating and the sales of the Burberry company.

Tonight's post is the excellent soundtrack to the 1972 Perry Hanzell produced film of 'A Harder They Come' starring Jimmy Cliff. A cameo role for Prince Buster as the club DJ who says "Sit tight and listen keenly, while I play you a brand new musical biscuit." Which was later sampled by Big Audio Dynamite. Anyway this is the remastered version with covers etc.


4 Apr 2006

"So don't you stop, being a man,Just take a little look from our side when you can, Sow a little tenderness,No matter if you cry. Give me a reason to love you,Give me a reason to be, A woman,It's all I wanna be is all woman."

There's a dvd out at the moment called 'Exotic dancing for the everyday woman'. I bloody well hope not, some of the 'everyday women' I see in my shop I would rather not picture them exotic dancing ... or any kind of dancing. I suppose for those women the 'exotic' bit would come along with the fact they'd have to put down the chips they're holding. Picture them as they writhe seductively in front of thier husbands in the white furniture clad bedrooms. Lank and greasy hair flicked back over the naked pasty shoulder as the ash from her Benson and Hedges falls onto her George from ASDA food stained t-shirt. Portishead's 'glory box' on the alba stereo as she mimes along to " I Just want to be a woman" with the half empty glass of bicardi in her hand she licks her lips, (to remove the crumbs from her pork pie), drinking sexily from her glass there's an audible hiss as the cigarette still in her mouth goes out. She whips of the bra in a flash and there's two slapping sounds as her breast hit her stomach. Imagine her peeling her leggings seductively over her large celulite covered thighs and hopping onto the waste paper bin as she forgot to take her shoes off. The light is visibly drawn from the room by the colour of her pendulous breasts as the haven't seen the light of day since she went to Magaluf in '86. Seeing her husband's enthusiasm waning as he begins to feel the effect of the third can of Tennants Extra and the Central heating on high she bends over to touch her toes and with the help of half a bottle of wonder tan and cellulite she resembles a three feet wide over ripe split orange. Can someone tell me why my manuscript for my erotic novel got turned down?

Oh well onto tonight's post a compilation from the good old days when Radio 1 FM was still good. In the evenings at least anyway. This is Steve 'I look like a ferenghi' Lamacq and Smiley Jo Whiley. It features session tracks and some really good music by the likes of pulp, paul weller, orbital, ash and loads more 41 tracks in total.