24 May 2012

All my lazy teenage boasts are now high precision ghosts
And they're coming round the track to haunt me.
When she looks at me and laughs I remind her of the facts
I'm the king of rock'n roll completely


Firstly I don't know whether to congratulate or threaten to kill the people at Turn 10 for making Forza 4 and all it's DLC. To be honest I probably could have spent my (in excess of) 145 hours of playing in a more contstructive manner but I didn't. Instead I have spent it bombing around Le Mans or the Top gear test track at breakneck speeds in cars I cannot afford, or even drive (I have still not learned). I mean let's face it when am I going to get the chance to climb inside an Aston Martin 1-77? I'd have more chance of climbing inside Lily Allen and that's the sad truth of it.
Still at least there's a game to pander to my every automotive perversion, but sadly not of my other perversions where several of Hollywood's finest ladies have a naked pillow fight but I am nothing if not a hopeful man.
Anyway back to turn 10's masterpiece in racing games it's let's face it the nearest I'll get to being a star in the reasonably priced car or even the owner of a hell of a lot of cars. For the first time ever I've found a racing simulator that allows me to just race if I wish or as has happened I get bored and soup up a Smart FourTwo to make it go 138 MPH (see picture above). I have a garage that as far as I'm aware only Beaulieu motor museum and Jay Leno can better for sheer size. So far I have 190 cars and am willing to share them with anyone who wants to join my car club, (gamertag: gunnawho).
This coupled with a new found interest in motorsports like BTCC and F1 have kind of set out my financial road map for the next year. It all happened one day whilst watching a very old download of the Monaco GP and then straight afterwards the 1970 Steve McQueen movie Le Mans. I want to go to at least one of those, both if I can afford it. I will have to give up such luxuries as eating and will have to cut back on breathing but then at least I will have a chance to try out my new camera equipment. Murray Walker once said "If you went to any Formula 1 Grand Prix it would have to be Monaco". Who am I to argue with that?
All that is assuming that I can remain employed and not go absolutely ballistic on members of staff or the public for being morons. This, as I'm sure I've told you before is becoming harder and harder as we speak. Thankfully I only get paid to be nice to people between the hours of 9-6 after that they can go fornicate with themselves. I mean how can I be expected to help you if you don't know what it is called, how to describe it or what it does? Similarly if I ask how long you need it don't just tell me it needs to go between one room and the next, it doesn't help. I thought I'd left the dumbasses behind when I left Wilkinson's but apparently not. They followed me here, being a hermit seems to have its advantages. Maybe I could be one of those Hugh Hefner types when I win the lottery? You know sad old man in a dressing gown who surrounds himself with 'models' who all disappear once they are 28 ala Logan's Run. I think that's how it happens. Anyway I want to be someone's sugar daddy it seems a nice job.
PS for those of you wanting the Specials cd to be uploaded as soon as Demonoid lets me upload a torrent an doesn't tell me "You've recently changed your email and therefore can't upload shit." (paraphrasing of course) I will post it.