21 Feb 2011

"Wash with new soap, Behind the collar
Keeps a clean mental state
Don't usually bother in cold weather
But still I'm getting into work late."

It's getting all a bit much lately, work is less and less fun.   Just when you think that you'll buckle down and try to get on with the noobs and and even greater effort towards the dumbass customers the new area manager keeps piling on the pressure to make us get the customer to buy more and more, usually an unrelated item.  This is not what retail is all about as far as I'm concerned.  I know it's a bout making money but the pressuring of people to buy stuff in this day and age will drive people away.  We now have to ask them a huge four things at the till and it's all crap. Add on product, data capture, catalogue, additional sales and you can see the customer getting bored and annoyed as you speak to them. I mean you do this for a hundred transactions a day, I have to keep Lockets in my pocket to sooth my throat.  Now the manager doofus is coming to have a little chat with those of us who are under the required 30% (I'm 28.7% pffft as if a few more pounds will make a difference), it's all to make it look a better prospect to any buyers.  
I just need a holiday I think.  I have one coming up in about three weeks but probably won't go anywhere other than maybe a trip to that there London or just Southampton.  Mind you I always plan to go but never do.  I just end up spending my money in a certain comic shop in Poole and drinking lots of tea.  I think I may have upset my manager today when I told her that due to all this crap at work I'm planning even harder to leave and may just go on this film course that my mate who left at christmas went on.  I went for a breakfast the other day and to see Paul at the cinema (go see it it's hilarious btw) I was talking to him about his course and it isn't just about film making there's the writing and directing side too.  The trouble is I haven't saved fuck all.  I need a couple of grand to tide me over until I can get work again and I certainly will not go back to Maplin once I leave, not even as a customer.
I wouldn't mind my lifelong dream (so far) of driving across the states or in my case probably going by greyhound, again I need money.  I'd like a winnebago like in the movie Paul with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.  This was a movie where for the first time it was more than polite laughter in the background or a gentle murmur of knowing self indulgent smugness as you get the joke and you wonder if those around you do also.  For the first time people actually openly laughed and clapped at a joke in the movie.  It was a movie akin to a Tex Avery cartoon ie joke after joke after joke, pause for breath, joke joke joke and the end credits.  It really was worth draggin my mate Chris to (he didn't want to go due to fact that he's skint and I said I'd pay, after all what are mates for?) Although it does mean that I can't get my haircut for another week or so which is really annoying it's touching my forehead, ears and neck which is very long for me, I'm almost a hippy except I don't smell.  :)  At least I hope not.
Anyway we'll see if I'm a man of leisure after tomorrow when the area mong-ager makes me hulk out and I throw him through a window.  I'll have more time to write my books (20,000 words into the second one btw)  I hope I keep my job because I like money, not very much in this one but there you go..
See you on the other side (presuming someone is still reading this that is).

10 Feb 2011

"Runnin' Bear loved Little White Dove with a love big as the sky
Runnin' Bear loved Little White Dove with a love that couldn't die"
 My current addiction is Rockstar games' Red Dead Redemption, I've been playing it for over 72 hours so it can be classed as an addiction.  The game itself is so long that you end up playing as your own son.  Aside from the fact that I'd amassed a small fortune of $22,000 during game play and suddenly it all disappeared without a trace whilst I trotted around the old west I thoroughly enjoyed the game,  this I subsequently found out, is a common glitch in the game.  Still at least it meant that I could go on a murderous rampage again.  By the end of the game I had gotten out of the habit of accidentally shooting my horse in the back of it's head whilst evading the pack of wolves at my hooves that suddenly appear out of nowhere.
I'm currently trying to gain the achievement of slicing up a grizzly bear with my knife.  This is harder to do than you'd think.  I finally found one with it's back turned to me as if they see you they attack at once.  So I jump off my horse knife in hand and begin slashing away at Yogi.  It runs away and I chase it slashing at it's hindquarters repeatedly.  It continues to run around in random directions with me hacking away at it everytime I catch up.  After about five minutes of me slicing bits of fur off it's arse and my shouting "Stand still you furry bastard I want to kill you."  It runs up into the mountains where upon a large bear travelling in the opposite direction decided that I was lunch.  It quite literally appeared out from behind a tree and decided that it would bite my face off until I was killed to death.
Once I respawned back in my log cabin I decided to get the easier trophy of tying a woman to the tracks ala the old silent movie villains.  This was also harder than it first appeared.  Firstly no matter where you are in the map, there will always be an eyewitness who will go and tell.  So anyway  there I am going for the Andy Gray woman's rights trophy or whatever it was called  there was just me and the lady sprite in the middle of nowhere, I figured this would be better then my first few attempts at trying to abduct a woman in a town where they seemed to be more prevalent.  Was I wrong?  There she was just wandering around in the middle of nowhere, obviously confused by the offside rule, where upon I lassoed her like you are supposed to and a man who was in a bush, the only bush within miles, suddenly he screams and runs off  he runs off I shoot him then suddenly there's an eyewitness of my murdering the eyewitness... then another... and another.  I get bored by the constant shooting of eyewitnesses only to find another eyewitness.  So I stop shooting and get on my horse to bugger off in the direction of away with the woman over the back of the horse.  The local western rozzers turn up and rescue the woman by shooting her to death... and then me too.
Finally I manage to evade the local cowboy plod and stick the woman on the tracks.  I wait for the train and wait and wait.  It occurs to me that it does seem a little perverse that I'm quite happily sitting on my horse in the game and on my sofa in reality waiting to get one single solitary trophy for what must be the ultimate in white van man-esque misogyny.  Still at least I realise this.  I also realised the train was late.  So I check the map and lo and behold it has gone a different way.  I decide to make sure by taking the woman all the way to the train station in the town.  The towns folk just walk past and say hello to me, tsk I dunno game sprites today huh?  Anyway train comes and she explodes into bits of bonnet and breast and I get my trophy and I wonder was it all worth it?  I'm now curreently on top of a Mexican Hacienda with a machine gun trying for the Jeremy Clarkson trophy or whatever it's called for killing 500 people with a mounted weapon.  I need a real life.