28 Nov 2007

"It's a thousand pages, give or take a few, I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style, I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer."Disclaimer: Any similarities between persons living or dead is purely tough shit.

Early monday morning, he curses as the Henry vacuum gets caught on the shelf. Luckily the shop was still closed so no one heard him use the colourful ex Army language. Yet another early morning start in the cold and grey light. A light drizzle made the window wet and made him feel even more miserable. A whole eight hours of this shit yet to come. Damn. Henry promptly fell over and the vacuum changed it's pitch to a higher whine. he likened it to the parents he'd seen around the shops dragging an uncooperative three year old around by the hand.
"There's got to be a better way to earn a living than this?" He thought. Righting the small red vacuum upon it's wheels he began again to remove the trod in cigarette ends and small pieces of flotsam off the blue grey carpet tiles. It was beginng to get a little lighter now and the rain got a little harder. This fortold of a slow start to to the day... again. The flexible pipe knocked a few boxes off the shelf and more muttered swearing ensued. Just for fun and something to stop himself from falling asleep he began to mentally compile a list of all the crap he'd buy at the end of the month. He didn't really need it it's just well, "they were gadgets and with the staff discount it was more or less worth it. What with it being nearly Christmas and all and you have to treat yourself", he justified. No one else would get the things he actually wanted "so sod it" he added mentally. The list got bigger the more he thought about it, so he stopped thinking about it. Only five minutes had passed and the hoovering was done less and less enthusiastically the farther he got to the back of the shop. He switched off the vacuum and relished the last few moments of peace amongst the electrical products. Henry was unceremoniously kicked into the corner of the store cupboard and locked into the dark for his unhelpful behaviour. Just rewards. The manager appeared from the office and began to let the rest of the staff in. Everyone was younger than him and less inclined to work all day without faffing around with the remote control toys, and the management weren't much better. Still it was nice to be earning again. After a quick team briefing where he hadn't paid much attention as he really couldn't care less about 'targets' etc. Doors were opened and the great British poplace thronged in, quite literally in thier ones. He contemplated throwing himself under a bus, just for something to do. After what seemed an ice age a middle aged man who had up until now been staring at a price ticket as if trying to dechiper heiroglyphs, turned and asked "This ticket says 'Buy One Get One Free'." "Shit here we go" He thought to himself, "place your money on what's coming next." "Yes Sir?" He enquired out loud The man continued "Does that mean, if I buy one... I get one free?" Bingo!!!! "Yes sir" He said flatly, which was rather remarkable considering he was mentally beating the shit out of the customer with a rather large stick with a nail through it shouting " You fucking morons follow me everywhere you fucking retarded cunt!!!!!" Whilst considering a change in career.

After the 'literature' above I suppose I'd better give you the stuff you really came for? Here are the musical treats for you. Firstly as I've bought myself a new USB turnatble (Ion TTUSB05XL) I've started doing all my recent ebay purchases (yes more) loads of vinyl for you. Mostly from when I was young dumb and full of... high spirits. I may redo a load of the original vinyl posts again as I think I get a better sound quality from this new turntable but for now here's a whole wad of my recent rips. As ever the list is in the comments. Also I hope that you all feel brighter and sharper as I've bought myself a new monitor too (LG 1721TA). I really should give up my job as it's becomming expensive for me to work there.

You Know You Want This... Because I Know I Do

Vinyl pt1
Vinyl pt2
Dance Craze UK

2 comments:

Mike said...

Track Listing

Adamski - Killer Remix
Art Of Noise with Max Headroom - Paranoimia (12 Inch Version)
Coldcut Featuring Lisa Stansfield - People Hold On (Full Length Disco Mix)
Cookie Crew - Born This Way (Let's Dance)
Curiosty Killed The Cat - Down To Earth (Extended Mix)
David Bowie - Absolute Beginners (Full Length Version)
David Bowie - China Girl (12 Inch Version)
David Bowie - Modern Love
Deacon Blue - Wages Day (12 Inch Mix)
Elvis Costello - Tomorrow's (Just Another Day)
Inner City - Big Fun (12 Inch Version)
Inspiral Carpets - She Comes In The Fall
It's Immaterial - Driving Away From Home (Wicked Weather For Walking)
Jack N' Chill - The Jack That House Built (Remix)
Madness - Blue Skinned Beast (12 Inch version)
Madness - Madness (Is All In The Mind)
Madness - Tomorrow's (Just Another Day) Warped 12 Inch Version
Neil - Hole In My Shoe (12 Inch Version)
Neil - Hurdy Gurdy Mushroom Man
Public Enemy - Rebel Without A Pause (Vocal Mix)
Royal House - Can You Party (Club Mix)
Salt N' Pepa - Push It (Noise Boyz Remix)
Salt N' Pepa - Twist And Shout (Vocal Mix)
Soul 2 Soul - Back To Life (Club Mix)
The Beat - Stand Down Margaret (Dub)
The Charlatans - Wierdo
The Creatures - Right Now
The Damned - Eloise (12 Inch Version)
The Power Station - Get It On (12 Inch Extended Version)
The Shamen - L.S.I (Club Deep Mix)
The Soup Dragons - I'm Free (12 Inch Version)
The Timelords - Doctorin' The Tardis (Extended Club mix)
UB40 - Dream A Lie (12 Inch Version)
UB40 - The Earth Dies Screaming (12 Inch Version)

Scooter said...

Is it buy one get one free on Apache Helecopters?

I feel your pain...

...in my experience the Great British public are as thick as pig shit.

I've just started catching up with your blog after months of computer trouble. Its amazing how much damage a cup of coffee can do to the inards of a laptop.

All the best.