Firstly let me apologise for the delay in writing the update even though I've been back from the dark and mysterious wilds of Norfolk since last Tuesday. But and I'm mentioning no me's here but some idiot bought himself Lego Star Wars 2 out of my money whilst in Toys R Us with my nephew. So I've been pootling around the Lego version of a galaxy far, far away... But now I've come back to the present day so here we are (reaches for notes).
On the first evening I was there my sister took me to the chippy I used to frequent as a young tearaway lad back in the dark ages. "How long has it been since you had one of these burgers?" she asked "20 years. Can I go home now?" I replied. I ordered the burger with the bbq beans, chips and garlic bread. Idiot, the bbq beans for some reason are deemed a topping for a burger in the backwaters and the burger itself was around about 7" in diameter. As I sat there barely concious and with distended stomach my wonderful sister decided to further torture me with 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here'. The only bits I paid attention to were the Myleene Klass bikini shots. Am currently building shrine in cupboard.
Day two despite the previous night's meal leaving my body stretched and my arse sore from shitting the equvalent of a small car we ventured into Cromer. A place so desolate and uninteresting that it now has as many 99p stores as the entire south of England put together. Slight exaggeration but you get the picture. "You need any cheap Eastern European branded cleaning products then look no further than the gem of the North Norfolk coast" the adverts should say. incidentally it's named the 'Gem of the North Norfolk coast' because it should be buried like treasure. I swear the temperature dropped 2 degrees as we passed the town sign. Anyway the main point was to buy the kids some presents which we did from the small Woolworths available. After the chips from the chippy down past the old job center (a place I knew all too well thanks) we escaped back to an afternoon of Spongebob Squarepants and bloody Peppa Pig. Until the kids went around their father's for the evening. The night's entertainment on offer was the sight of my innebriated sister and her friends murdering 'I will survive' etc on the karaoke machine. Being a fan of music I enjoyed myself with a chinese take away and the dukes of hazard reruns on the satellite tv instead. I did however have a bit of trouble sleeping the first couple of nights there due to it being so dark and quiet. Usually I fall asleep to the sound of a siren or two, some loud mouth kids walking past and the people opposite slamming car doors at all hours of the night and day. Also this non artificial lighting they have out in the country just really fucks you up. I should have taken a sound effects cd with me.
Sunday was a day of R&R except for my stomach as my sister did the biggest Sunday roast you'd ever seen. "I do like my roasts on a sunday" she stated. "No shit" I thought as I contemplated another morning of flushing the toilet. Taking Full advantage of an incapacitated Uncle, my Niece (2 and a half years old), god bless her, decided now was the ultimate time for piling every single toy ever owned by a small child in the entire civilisation of man on top of me. Whilst this was going on my Nephew (7 yrs old) was bouncing around like Tigger on speed waving the Power Rangers sword around like a shoalin monk who's missed a month of training and wants to catch up in an afternoon ... maybe he hadn't taken his medication like he swore he had? It was my own fault for bringing it up to him I suppose? Still full from Sunday lunch and still finding toy cars in the folds of my clothes my lil' sis decided to insist on getting a sunday tea time treat of another Chinese take away. I picture myself having to buy an extra seat on the train home. After more spongebob on the seemingly 24 hour spongebob channel and followed by I'm a shlebrity and Corrie (I suddenly miss home, well more precisely my tv which never gets turned to ITV ... EVER!!!!).
Monday the big day, our trip to Naaaaaaaaaarch, or as the rest of the country calls it, Norwich. Extra medication for the Nephew and strap the arms of my seemingly kleptomaniac Neice into the pushchair and away we go. Trundling through the countryside in my sisters' Mondeo I keep getting reminded of old songs I think its because I always listened to the music, (rather than the parents), when travelling anywhere, hence 'Hand in Glove' always reminds me of the stretch of road between Knapton and Mundesley with a lap warmed by our Chinese meal in 1983. Anyway Norwich is smaller and more confusing than when I left it 10 years ago as it now has several new shopping areas and new and shiny malls everywhere. I was a little agrieved as I had absolutely now prospects of work when I lived up there then and I could have applied for at least twenty whilst on a visit to the family. But hey ho then I wouldn't have had the discovery of electricity, inside toilets and/or literacy. So after an afternoon of trying to dissuade the Nephew from wanting certain things without giving the game away that Santa has already bought that and lost the reciept we head home knackered and slightly emptier in the wallet.
I begun my journey on the Tuesday by playing with my new phone which was my sister's Xmas pressie to me. I put some credit on it and looked about for the crowds with the burning torches and pitchforks lest they should have discovered that I tried to introduce the kids to the world of joined up writing and be burned at the stake for such. Thankfully they were not able to catch me. On reaching London I was able to enjoy the sweet sweet music of the Police sirens, crowds and pnuematic drills. I boarded the train home and found that the longest part was the last three stations. Maybe the batteries were running low or maybe the driver was pissing with me? But he seemed to be going 5 miles an hour for a veeeerrrrry long time. On reaching home I told my mate all about the holiday and realised mid sentence that that was the first time I'd sworn all weekend. I ran the bath taps just to marvel at being back in the twenty first century.
Tonight's music is the free cd from the Daily Mail of Madness from last weekend. Edited and expunged of all those extra tracks they pad these things out with. Plus I've upped the two albums by Suggs (The Lone Ranger & The Three Pyramids Club) Plus The I'm only Sleeping CD Single. That will keep you happy for a few minutes and if I canb stay out of a galaxy far far away I'll post again in a few days time. TTFN.
http://rapidshare.com/files/5939232/S-IOScds.rar I'm Only Sleeping CDS
http://rapidshare.com/files/5942377/S-TLR_95_.rar The Lone Ranger
http://rapidshare.com/files/5945475/S-TTPC_98_.rar The Three Pyramid Club
http://rapidshare.com/files/5948903/M-LG.rar Madness Live Free Giveaway
Added Bonus http://rapidshare.com/files/5951535/Soz.rar New Madness Track 'Sorry'
In The City for those of you who may not have this from the download (sorry for delay but the black dog's been about again.