"We are driving on the Autobahn
In front of us is a wide valley
The sun is shining with glittering rays
The driving strip is a grey track
White stripes, green edge
We are switching the radio on
From the speaker it sounds:
We are driving on the Autobahn"

Well, it must be said that amongst the visits to the cinema recently, my work, my PS3 and downloading shit loads of digital media of all kinds I have summarily failed in my bid to become a writer of anything other than shopping lists. This is mainly due to my lack of discipline and wholehearted laziness I want to collate all these hundreds of scraps of paper into some sort of order but like I say I'm easily distracted. The next few months shouldn't help either as I have to go to Tank Fest '09, Yeovilton Air show and Bournemouth Air Show. Damn those lottery gods!!!! I need to be well enough off so that I can concentrate on my writing (or more likely play more on the PS3). I have been to the cinema more this month than I had in the previous year. Watchmen wasn't bad but will never be as good as the graphic novel. Terminator Salvation was immense and by far the best film I've seen in quite a while. Star Trek however I suppose was too much of a fan of the original series to enjoy it fully? I suppose if I watch it again without being more concerned about whether the disabled man would be able to get back in the room again once I'd let him out I may enjoy it more, that and the twat in the front who didn't seem to be able keep the decibels down on the popcorn he was chewing. The thing is I never have my rifle on me when I need it. I must have missed at least thirty homeless in the last week alone. Mind you with the £5.20 I won on the Euro Lottery this week at least my plans for world domination are slowly coming to fruition so it's not all doom and gloom soon I shall have my gas chambers and work camps. Well on that kind of budget the death camps sorry ahem, rehabilitation camps the huts would be made out of cardboard and the Zyklon B would in fact be Wilkinson's own brand talcum powder but still, it's a start.

Anyway here's the music firstly I've found a copy of Tricky's first album Maxinquaye which for me was a bit of a lost classic. Also I've uploaded for your delight Ashes to Ashes Second series soundtrack, Various Artists - Dancehall '63 (Ska). Lastly you have The Best of Prince. Enjoy.

"Everything goes when you're dead
Everything empties from what was in your head
No point in waiting today
Stupid revenge is what's making you stay
Its going to happen - happen - till your change your mind"

I was so 'impressed' with the game I recently bought called 'Eat Lead' I found myself so full of bile at the waste of money that I wrote a review on Amazon, I thought I'd publish it here as a precautionary tale against buying the big pile of steaming Batha Poodoo.

"Quite frankly there have been many times in my life that I have regretted my actions... but none more so than when I bought this game. To be honest I just wanted to boost my PS3 trophies a little and that is the whole reason anyone should buy this game, in fact for a start don't buy, rent it. Let me just say that in all my years of gaming I have never had any game that I've played on my trusty old PS1, 2 or 3 crash the system, until now that is.
The game play itself leaves a hell of a lot to be desired, for a start the main character himself points out one error in judgement by the programmers, the fact that there is no 'jump' button. Also missing in action is a 'run' button ...although I did find the 'Off' button, thankfully. Movement of the person you are playing is akin to when you see these really old men jogging, you know when they would move quicker if they walked? The bad guys on the other hand run like Sonic the Hedgehog on speed. They aren't encumbered by the need to take cover much either and quite often will be suddenly at your side whilst pumping you full of lead projectiles at high velocity. Meanwhile whilst you try to aim as accurately as possible to actually be in any danger of registering a hit on the baddies, you die. There is absolutely no aim assist whatsoever. I'm no basic gamer I've been playing fps for years and can count all of the 'Medal of Honour', 'call of duty', 'Doom', several 'star wars' and 'Brothers in Arms' games amongst others in my experience. So please don't think this review is in anyway because I can't play the game due to a lack of ability... I can't play this game for sheer exasperation at the lack of first time playability. Most of the action is either shoot lots of guys expending lots of ammo or go through large areas of the level with no one there. I wish I was as tough as some of these baddies though I mean if real people could take two or more shots from a .357 magnum to the head and survive then we'd be in as much trouble as the developers of this game should be.
All in all it is a terrible shame that such an original idea, sadly lacking in modern gaming, was so poorly executed, let's just hope the people that produced this abomination are executed much more thoroughly."

Maybe I should start to write for the gaming magazines? I mean there was a few more things I had to say like the cut scenes weren't lip synced and there were large tracts of the levels where there was no bad guy sprite and then suddenly there were twenty or so all with perfect aim but if I'd have written everything Amazon would need a bigger server. I've corrected the spelling and added a couple of sentences so basically Upsetterfans you all got My Review:The Director's Cut"

Anyway here's the music (Divine Madness (Remastered Version) and The Clash Combat Rock and reposted video of Bronco Bullfrog.

"They don't fight, they look just right
In their tonics and button downs
If you see them around, don't put them down
They're the coolest guys in town"

I truly believe we have become a spoilt and decadent society. Not just because politicians are raping the public coffers for all they are worth only to have to pay it back and be "very sorry" but only once the public outrage reached biblical levels . Not even because little Jordan or Chardonnay Chav from the estate has to have the latest phone/trainers/games console only to have it appear in Cash Converters the very next week. My main concern is that all the homeless/drunkards/Big Issue sellers I see as I stare out of my large shop windows whilst gainfully employed (hey it's a living) all have very nice mobile phones, nicer than mine too. Now call me picky if you like but years ago the local tramp in our village felt himself blessed if he had enough money for a pint and/or a paper. Let alone sometimes we kids would share our portions of chips with the old feller. I know that I have in the past been slightly 'anti' the odd homeless or two, but lets not get bogged down with who threw who out of who's shop for attempted shoplifting or who advocated the sending to work camps and the gassing of whom. I mean how much can the credit crunch be hurting people if the lowest members of society have the accoutrements of the middle classes? How long until I see one of them pull up to his painted spot to stand on in his car? Sooner or later one of them will be overheard as he converses with a fellow seller about his summer in Tuscany? Maybe because it's because I'm bitter about having to deal with the latest scrote in my shop whom I found stealing the other day? How I don't punch people I will never understand. His drunken logic to why I stopped him was he "was just holding it". "Yes, just holding it inside your bag sir" was my reply. Then he counters with "why would I even want it?" "I don't know you tell me you were the one who was stealing it" I retort. I hate retail. All that and my favourite person failed to come to see me when visiting the town like she said she would what a crap week.
Still, on a brighter note here's the latest upload from yours truly. Quickly has a rummage through his external hard drive, Right here goes. We have Paul Weller - Hit Parade, Japan - Oil On Canvas and finally PJ Harvey - Jungle Queen Demos. Hope you enjoy them.

"Was chilled to the bone
At 8am On a Bournemouth morn
There was a drum deck
Outside room 51
Two nights before Bristol ball
A runner took backdrop, exit hall"

I'm getting overrun by tanks, I made the mistake of subscribing to the DeAgostini 'Combat Tanks' magazine not stopping to think that I didn't really have the room for the little plastic models. I suppose either of two options will happen #1. I'll make room or #2. My Nephew will receive a large box of toy tanks in the near future. I'd rather have a real tank though to tell the truth. Sometimes I think it's because I want to drive over the area manager's skull just to voice my disdain at his bullshit two half hour breaks edict which I have refused to take for the last 7 months or so. Other times it's because I want to drive around in a tank at the Tank Fest 2009 as it looked so much fun last year, I'm so sad I have the videos of last year on my iPod. I'm also off to Yeovilton air day with a couple of friends later on in the year. This may not be of interest to you but hey I find it much more interesting than sitting around watching 'Celebrity come dancing on ice has talent' or some such inane drivvel. Mind you I haven't watched my TV for ages now apart from the odd hour here and there. If it wasn't for Top Gear, Match of the Day or Time Team I'd not bother turning the damn thing on apart to play the PS3 or watch my downloaded shows. My landlord downstairs hasn't watched the TV for over six months. In fact he only tuned the freeview box on to partake in the recent retune. There isn't a great deal on really is there? It can honestly be said that I spend most of my time in the second world war though. What with the (rough estimate) 150 books I own, the several hundred games, myriad movies or documentaries and rapidly growing number of model tanks. Still it would be a better place if we could all just shoot people in the face that we didn't like... or in my case on Call of Duty World at War, fry everyone in sight with a flame thrower. Regular readers will no doubt have read of my wibbling on about all the Medal of Honours I have played and completed. And would like to apologise for the late arrival of this current post but blame the makers of CoD WaW right, whilst I'm off to do battle in the Reichstag (again) you can enjoy the current uploads.

I've uploaded Black Sabbath - Paranoid, Madness - Practice makes perfect (rerepost) and the 2 Tone story. Enjoy.... now where did I put my flame thrower?

"It's getting near dawn,
When lights close their tired eyes. I'll soon be with you my love,
To give you my dull surprise. I'll be with you darling soon,
I'll be with you when the stars start falling."

'The dream factory' (i.e. where I write this crap)

As you can see from the photo above 'the dream factory' is a mite untidy. Untidy desk tidy mind I was always told, so not wanting to prove people wrong... My laptop continues to be the workhorse as you can tell what with it being connected up to all my USB peripherals, several not shown as I was tidying up (can't you tell?) and had unplugged them. Basically this was me trying out new lenses for my D-SLR... playing some might say... with my new toys. I do love my gadgets and probably kept the economy going by myself for a few months as a result with all the spending I did. Maybe I should save up for a bit? I could get myself a hooker or two as I have been disappointed on my birthday for the last ooh let's say thirty nine of the last forty years not to have had a hooker bought for me or at the very least a topless brunette jump out of my giant cake. And this year was no different. At least I'll be able to bolt on another USB product from the hard drive I'm getting from my mate, thankfully this will give me somewhere to put the seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer I downloaded recently, freeing up several gigs on my laptop. I really am a nerd aren't I? I dare not even mention the four seasons of Star trek Enterprise I have ... oh dear. It was a strange birthday this year, I was the birthday boy and I gave away the goodies (not in a sexual way, although I was as willing as ever). I mean here I was with my one present, £10 and no sexual favours whatsoever and I gave away a dvd recorder and three Buffy DVD box sets I had lying around spare. Some big milestone, just another day really. I don't know why I get my hopes up as the wizened old bearded toothless hag downstairs always says, "expect nothing and never be disappointed" Once again the bastard's right. I shall remember this next year and when buying presents for everyone else could this be the start of my career of evil?... Nah probably not, it just means everyone else is getting book tokens from now on.
The downloads this post are Lost Property (link) which was a personal favourite compilation of mine. Then I'm going to give you the complete Half Man Half Biscuit Peel Sessions. Finally I'll give you Eek-A-Mouse - Wa Do Dem. Also by the time this is posted there'll be a new link for the Liberty of Norton Folgate (full album) .

"Workin' all week with Barso driving the van
Filled with old lawnmowers and petrol cans
And by day just a working machine
But by night a cosmic, electric, boogie limousine"

I have to say that life is good at present, I've got my birthday coming up (17th April) and it is okay at work at the moment. I put my iPod on and go up into the warehouse upstairs to do the work needed and blast out my sounds. The main album being played at the moment is the new Madness one (the Liberty Of Norton Folgate) and the new Morrissey one (Years of Refusal). Both of which have my partially undivided attention. I have been getting into my Jazz recently too, a little bit of Miles Davis' The birth of Cool and Kind of Blue being the current favourites. then sometimes I'll swing the other way (only musically speaking) and stonk out some AC-DC, Nirvana or something else loud and disturbing for the guys in the Animal store next door whether they want it or not. It also confuses my colleagues as I play such random music they can't pigeon hole my tastes. I'm also enjoying work currently due to the large amount of beautiful foreign student ladies knocking around Bournemouth lately. I would offer my services to teach them the words "penis" & "insertion" amongst others. They in turn would teach me their languages, specifically the words for "fuck off sad boy" and "help Police!" So we'd all learn something. I may not be the world's most educated man but who better to learn English from? I'm about as English as a Pork pie wearing a pin stripe suit & Doctor Marten's whilst eating crumpets and drinking tea. Don't get me wrong I'm not 'English' in a "I drive a white van can't spell or read eat nothing but crap from Lidl and go home to my fat wife in leggings and scrawny dirty ill educated JJB sportswear wearing kids whilst avoiding getting my knuckles wet as I drag them along the ground and think that the Daily Star is gospel I don't like them darkies wot come over here and steal our jobs" kind of way but I am pretty set in my ways don't like hot weather that much and I think I am better than most other people in the world and quietly tut as they do things I don't approve of and hope they'll apologise and stop. I must be in with a chance with someone of the opposite sex though, most of the women you see often have a boyfriend in tow that could only be described as a 'gorilla after botched facial surgery'. Whilst they in turn are gorgeous. It makes no sense whatsoever, unless of course it's to prove me wrong and there is a god & he's picking on me.
Anyway enough blathering (I was going to put enough blasphemy but, you can never have enough blasphemy). Here's what you really came for. The music this time is Dr Alimantado -Best Dressed Chicken In Town followed by King Tubby - Dub Gone Crazy then Junior Murvin - Police & Thieves last but not least the one you've all been waiting for (judging by the impatient emails etc. ) Madness - Practice makes perfect (disk three from the boxset).

Enjoy.

"I get up in the evening and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help"

I was thinking the other day that for every silver lining there's a cloud. I mean there I was at work actually doing something I enjoy (I.E. painting not retail work). The sun was streaming it's golden joyfulness through the open fire doors whilst I slapped some paint on the walls (and floor) I was mostly left to my own devices & got on with the job in hand, John Peel shows were blaring out throughout the warehouse via my iPod and I was full of a certain light creamy cream cheese baguette and coffee so like I say life wasn't at all bad. I'd managed six walls with two coats, 1 Door glossed, 18 feet of skirting board glossed, the canteen wall repaired & a large wall about 18 feet square repainted a very nice blue, two notice boards and six coat hooks all put up in one day. I did quite a nice job even if I do say so myself (and I do... often). I even did all the prep work before painting too, I'm not some old slap and dash merchant me! Basically I wasn't bored once & I never looked at my watch at all for the whole day. Neither had I spent all day staring out the window looking forlornly at all the attractive women who don't know I exist. I even for once got a nice lunch, I came home without too much waiting around for a bus, had a nice Tesco ring donut with a great cup of tea and enjoyed the rest of the warm spring evening. But there's always a smelly fart in the lift as they say. The only thing to spoil the whole day was a "we know where you live and are sending round the leg breakers" letter from the bank bastards at Abbey Nazional. It's my own fault I suppose? Perhaps with hindsight (which is always 20/20) I shouldn't have spent £120 on graphic novels but in my defence it was tax credits and therefore free money and would have only been wasted on some war or other. Don't think of it as several special edition graphic novels in very nice hard back editions think of it as one less artillery shell. But there you go what's did is did. Besides if it weren't for them I would have been out of debt two and a half years before I was so they can sit and swivel as we used to say at school. They didn't spoil my day, I refused to let them. In fact the only way the day could have been any better was if I'd gotten to do that thing where a man and a woman, who love each other very much, (or are very drunk and regret it in the morning) and the man puts his oojymaflip in the lady's whaddjacallit and they make babies until he rolls over knackered and farts before falling asleep leaving the lady slightly disappointed. But you can't have everything can you?
Anyway enough drivel here's the music firstly we've got Devil Hopping by the Inspiral Carpets, then I've given you the very good album which I've rediscovered St Etienne - Foxbase Alpha and finally the full Madness - Liberty of Norton Folgate which finally arrived through my door. Links, as ever in the comments